Merlin!

(From a special episode to raise money for charity. Cuteness! Left to right: Morgana, Guinevere, Merlin, Arthur, Uther and Gaius.)

OMG ANOTHER SHOW ABOUT ARTHURIAN LEGEND!!! (Was a total Arthurian Legend whore in high school, can you tell?)

Except, you know, not so much because Merlin is the same age as Arthur, looks like a skinnier, less chiseled version of Tom Welling and has magical powers that have to do with glowing eyes. He’s way too kind and has no sense of social structure, which leads to him mouthing off to Arthur and this does not lead to the best first impression ever, especially as Arthur is being a bully.

Arthur is a blond and bullying ‘royal ass’, according to Merlin himself. He’s also hunky and … a decent guy, if you peel off the layers of jock. Also, he goes through monsters, a sorceress and evil giant spiders to get Merlin a flower. (It’s to save the guy’s life, but still, most people wouldn’t do that for their servant, yunno?)

Morgan le Fay is not Arthur’s half-sister anymore, she is an Irish princess/lady under the guardianship of King Giles Uther Pendragon and smoking hot to boot. (Well she was always smoking hot to begin with, and we’re not entirely sure she’s not evil either.) And to avoid all confusion with the guys running around named Morgan, they’ve changed her name to Morgana, so you know, we don’t think she’s a guy or anything. (Those long flowing locks and that scrumptious figure could have fooled me.)

Guinevere is suddenly not fair-haired nor even a princess. Instead she is a maidservant of Morgana’s and keeps trying to get it on with Merlin, who’s all angsty that he’s stuck serving Arthur (which mainly seems to involve helping Arthur put his clothes on, and no, brain, you are not allowed to go there, noooooo!) Somewhere, poor King Leodegrance is sobbing.

King Uther is a total nut when it comes to magic (see: trauma to do with his dead wife, Ygraine, only in this version, agggh the canon is being killed) and chops heads like I eat chocolate. Which is to say, extensively. So there’s this whole, Merlin keep your magic secret no Merlin do not levitate the what are you doing MERLIN STOP!!! (Mainly it is the audience saying this, because the show has still not gotten the hang of longer episode arcs and has a pattern of Evil Magical Thing of the Week. Who all want to kill Arthur. Who in turn needs to be saved by Merlin. With magic.)

Poor Gaius is Merlin’s mentor, and seems to be getting a lot of exercise via brow-raising. He’s the court physician and the king’s best friend, though their friendship is always tested by Uther’s bull-headedness about magic. He’s the wise old man of the show, you could say.

There is also a dragon who’s trying to get Merlin and Arthur to admit that they’re really soulmates. No, really. He says things like, “Merlin, it is your destiny to be with Arthur”, and “The half cannot truly hate that which makes it whole”. We call him the Shipper Dragon or the Slash Dragon. Also, judging from the cave he lives in, Camelot might just be built on a giant abyss. Which is known for its great foundational qualities, yeah.

I think there’s a plot in there somewhere, let me check.

Despite my puritan streak when it comes to source material, this show is so great for the lulz. Also, Arthur and Merlin are destined to be together forever!!

Sevenses

[ETA: This Nano thing, it is not getting done. Dammit.]