Home > Movies, Parodies > Hana Yori Dango Finale

Hana Yori Dango Finale

Tuesday, November 18, 2008 Leave a comment Go to comments

I wanted to do a serious write-up, but then I realized that most of it would involve “Then Tsukasa looked at Tsukushi with yearning, though she didn’t notice because she was off on another angstfest.” And that would not be fun at all. So, parodycap it is, though I love the series very much, it is prone to overdramatization and thus easy to mock.

wedding yay

Well, I think you already knew this was coming, so you know, not really a spoiler. I’m going to miss my mindlessly gratifying shoujo moments, aren’t I? (Don’t really want to watch the Kr version, will probably just read javabeans’ recaps.)

Arashi – One Love : This is the song that plays at the end of the movie. [Download]

Hana Yori Dango Finale, a parodycap:

Road somewhere to/from/in Nevada.

Tsukasa: Drive, drive, and guess what? Drive.
Tsukushi: Are we there yet?
Tsukasa: No.
Tsukushi: Are we there yet?
Tsukasa: No.
Tsukushi: Are –
Tsukasa: Let’s go for lunch, shall we?
Tsukushi: *eats two plate-sized burgers*
Me: How the hell does she stay so thin?
Tsukasa: By beating me up, apparently.
Tsukushi: I really, really like food, yay!
Tsukasa: Too bad we have to keep driving to Vegas.
Audience: Vegas? … they’re getting married in Vegas? Wait, is this going to be like that Royal Elopement movie thing?

Back in time: Flashy room that I bet Doumyouji Corp. uses only for presscons.

Tsukasa: My girlfriend isn’t a hot chick or anything, but I love her and cherish her and will marry her in approximately a few months!
Reporter: If I may–
Tsukasa: SILENCE, minion!
Media trainers: *explode*

Somewhere in Tokyo.

Tsukushi: It would be nice if you warned me about things like this. *points at wall of TV screens with her face plastered on them* And it’s not even a nice picture.

Oooh pavilion.

Tsukasa: Hee, parents-in-law~
Kaede: I will give you this giant, expensive tiara with tons of sparklies.
Tsukasa: Wtf?
Tsukushi and parentals: Umm, thanks?
Housekeeper-san: It’s got the Heart of America, the something of Hong Kong, the Tears of the Emerald Sea, and the Sparkly Secret Jewel of doom!
Audience: Shiiiiiiiiiiny.
Kaede: May your marriage be happy and full of children. 😀
Me: Wow, that’s a departure from precedent.
Audience: Trust us, we know.

The Hotel Room of Time Warpiness.

Tsukasa: Kissy face!
Tsukushi: …?
Man in black: Um, carry on. I’ll just take this tiara and go, shall I?
Tsukasa: Damn it!
Tsukushi: Apparently I do nothing but hyperventilate in this movie.
Hotel employees: Who is that hot dude chasing after that other dude?
Other people: Way to trash the hotel, people.
Man in black: Hee, I jump off the top of this really tall building.
Tsukasa: Wait!
Tsukushi: Wtf?

Manager: No, really everything is fine.
T^2: … But the window was busted! We ran through half the rooms in this hotel and totally trashed the kitchen? How can it just all be normal?
Mama + Papa Makino: Um, kids, everything looks normal.
Room: I am pristine! *sparkles*
Tsukasa: … and the room number is right too. Alright, everyone leave.
Tsukushi: ?
Tsukasa: We have to hunt for the tiara alone.

Rui: You’re up to something stupid again, aren’t you?
Tsukasa: Ahaha, what makes you say that? Anyway, if something happens to me, I’ve left everything to you in the will.
Me: That’s just going to make Rui look like he’s responsible, you realize?
Rui: Are you sure I’m the best person for this type of thing?
Tsukasa: Of course! You’re my brother, my comrade in arms, you’re the wind beneath my wings –
Rui: I’m Japanese, but not that Japanese.

Back to the present: I think they really filmed this in Las Vegas.

Tsukushi: Wooooooooooow, so shiny!
Tsukasa: You want us to stay in such a cheap motel place?
Tsukushi: One word: subterfuge.

Tsukasa: So we have to find this dude at this hotel.
Me: Good to know you can be so specific.
Tsukushi: OMG! SHIGERUUUUUUUU~
Shigeru: OMG! TSUKUSHIIIIIIII~
Tsukasa: What was that about subterfuge, again?
Tsukushi: Wait, you’re dating the owner of the Boruberu hotel chain?
Shigeru: ?
Completely odd coincidence that passes for normal in the Hanadan world: 1.
T^2: Can we maybe perhaps sorta talk to him?
Shigeru: Sure thing!
Audience: WE ♥ YOU, SHIGERU!

Kaburagi: And why should I help you, exactly?
Shigeru: Pretty puh-lease?
Kaburagi: Fine, but I know nothing.
Tsukasa: Lies.
Kaburagi: No, seriously, I was given a pile of money and told to leave things alone. That’s it.
Tsukushi: God, these people are insane, throwing money around like confetti.
Tsukasa: Goddammit! #^@%$*^(!@#&(*&
Kaburagi: Tsukushi, you may want to reconsider your engagement to this overgrown gorilla.
Tsukushi: … thank you?

Tsukasa: So we’re back at square zero.
Tsukushi: Well, at least we know who else to invite to the wedding.
Tsukasa: Hmm, you know, this room only has one bed.
Me: Dear god, not that again.
Kaburagi: Well kiddos, I have a guilty conscience so here’s the money. Also, Tsukushi, may I have a word?
Tsukushi: Are you trying to dissuade me from marrying Tsukasa?
Kaburagi: No, not at all, why would you think that? *instills doubt*

Mimasaka: Oh, btw, there’s this black market sale and your tiara may or may not be the most anticipated item. And it may or may not cost up to 1 billion ¥.
Tsukasa: Let’s gamble with the $5 million we have!
Tsukushi: You’re mad.
Tsukasa: No, I’m cut off from using the family credit cards.
Audience: We can see about 7 different ways this can blow up in your face. Perhaps literally.

Tsukasa: Placing all the money in one place may not be smart, but it will win us lots of money! Possibly.
Tsukushi: *groan of despair*
Guy in black: Y HALO THAR.
Tsukasa: *chases*
Table: *was moved*
Roulette ball: *moves into losing slot*
Tsukushi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO x infinity

Tsukasa: Damn, foiled again.
Tsukushi: I fall flat on my face in front of the casino in a symbolic gesture of defeat.
F4: Um, you okay there, Tsukushi? We got you and That Idiot there a plane for your wedding, do you like it?
Plane: *is large and very purple*
Tsukushi: Gee, thanks! Any chance I will get wedding gifts that don’t cost upwards of $1 million?
F4: Not a chance.
Plane: *zooms to Hong Kong, where the auction is being held*

Hong Kong, not that you see any of it besides the usual montage shots.

Auction room: *not sinister at all, what with the dark rooms, smoking men in suits and bomb-countdown atmosphere*
Tsukushi: Why do I always get thrown into absolutely impossible crap with you?
Tsukasa: Aww, baby, don’t be that way…
Auctioneer: Okay, bid for 6 billion ¥, going once, going twice…
F4: SOLD! Victory dance~
Audience: Hey, isn’t the auctioneer that not-sinister-at-all man who likes cooking his own fish in an isolated chalet? We keep seeing him everywhere. Subtle, directors.

Tsukushi: Waaaaah, so much money!
Audience: It’s because it’s important to him. *pats*
Kaburagi: Hey, I’m here because Shigeru told me to help you guys out and now that it’s okay I’ve come to chat with her pretty friend.
Tsukushi: *mope*
Kaburagi: If you’re unsure about the wedding you seriously should call it off.
Audience: You sure he’s not the bad guy?
Me: Ooh, about as sure that Snape wasn’t evil.
Kaburagi: Well, must leave, see you around. Here’s my number in case you have anything you want to talk about.
Tsukushi: I wish Doumyouji was tall, dashing and mature like him.
Audience: Oh come on now, that totally incriminates him.
Me: It does look pretty bad for him, but I trust Shigeru’s taste.

Tsukushi looks down from the top of the roof: What?
Tsukasa: You saw the thief?
Tsukushi: Yeah, but I also saw Hanazawa Rui talking with him, and they shook hands.
Tsukasa: Oh, you’ve been at the sushi again, haven’t you? I told you not to eat the ones that have been out of the fridge for longer than – crap you’re serious.
Tsukushi: Yeah.
Tsukasa: Can I have your angstbunny hat?
Tsukushi: … I’ll get another one.

F4: Yo dudes, why the long faces?
Tsukasa: You know I love you all, right?
F4: … Well, now that everything is over you can pack up and go home now.

Tsukushi: Right, thanks, so you’re saying that I shouldn’t marry Tsukasa because you divorced from marrying too young?
Kaburagi: Pretty much.
Tsukushi: You’d better be good to Shigeru.
Kaburagi: Why does everyone keep telling me that? Do I have evil written on my face or anything?
Me: Nah, just an instinct over here to distrust attractive men.

See, this is why having your own private plane is sort of a bad idea.

Tsukasa: Where were you last night?
Tsukushi: Aren’t you supposed to save this conversation for after we get married?
Tsukasa: I believe in starting early.
Stewardess: Right, well, here’s your morning shot of champagne, then.
Plane: Zooming home!
T^2: Feel… so… sleepy…

Man in black: Can’t touch this! *takes tiara away*
Plane: *drops the unconscious couple down at some random island and flies away*

Deserted Island. Yes, I said deserted island, and no, I did not think they were going to pull this one.

Tsukasa: *stares at Tsukushi*
Tsukushi: *mopes*
Me: I kid you not, this is pretty much what happens.

Tsukushi: I think I need to find a new place to mope in. Maybe we should break up… Omg bear!
Me: I am sure this is a bad idea, bear-san, she is premenstrual.
Tsukushi: *punches*
Bear: Grr-? *falls*
Me: OMGWTFBBQsaucewithsquid! She KO’ed a bear!
Tsukushi: I see the light! I really do love Tsukasa!
Audience: All this just from punching a bear?

Tsukushi: Ohnoez I lost my saturn necklace! I will stay out until dark to search for it, because it’s a known fact that the dark is good for finding things.
Tsukasa: I am out of my fool mind worrying for you, and don’t ever pull that again.
Me: Since when did Tsukasa turn into the sensible one in this relationship?

T^2: Hey, we’re back to the land of happy couplehood. Aren’t you glad for us?
Me: About time.

Helicopter: A months later, we come to check if you guys are still alive. Because we make sense like that, yeah.
T^2: Isn’t that the guy in black?

Hey, at least it wasn’t one long nightmare brought on by too many pickles and milk?

Box: *sits on floor innocently*
Random dude: There it is.
Tsukasa: I ANGRY. TIARA FAKE, TIARA DIE!
Tsukushi: …
Random dude: Yeah, I stole the fake tiara and sent you gallivanting all around the world. So what?
Audience: Is he for real?
Random dude: I was asked to, okay? One day I was just sitting here, roasting my nice tuna fish and then this falls out of the sky and I have to orchestrate 2-hour’s worth of entertainment for you kiddies.
Tsukasa: What if we broke up during our adventure, did you ever think about that?
Me: Then you obviously weren’t meant to be together – which, incidentally, was the whole point of this exercise in globe-trotting.

Mama + Papa Makino: It was us, actually. We, uh… wanted to make sure our daughter would be happy with you.
Tsukasa: *facepalm*
Tsukushi: You made him lose weight!
Mama + Papa: We’re… sorry?
Tsukasa: No, no, you gave birth to Makino, we’re even.
Me: … right.

Kaede: Believe it or not, I was actually not the evil one this time. Tsukushi, your parents wanted to make sure you would be happy in a marriage with my son.
The kids: Oh. Well, okay, we’re home now.
Kaede: Group hug! Because I have wanted to do this since the end of 2nd season.
Me: And they could have gotten gangrene, diptheria, broken many different limbs, maybe all at once, starved to death, etc. Good planning, Makino père et mère. Though that bear was a nice touch.

Wow, that is the fastest bath+makeover+dress fitting ever.

F4: Yo, come with us somewhere.
Tsukushi: Bu-but we haven’t bathed and need sleep!
F4: Sleep is for plebeians. Come.

Wedding: Happenin’, folks. They closed down all of downtown Tokyo for this, dontchaknow.
Audience: This is what happens when Rui plans things. (Because if Tsukasa planned the wedding, Tsukushi would have tripped on the carpet, bumped into the wedding cake and set the church on fire within the first five steps.)
Everyone who has ever had a speaking role: Congratulations!
Tsukushi and Tsukasa: *exchange vows, rings, glances of eternal adoration, etc*
Rui: I now pronounce you husband and wife!
Me: Why is he dressed like a Roman Catholic priest?
Happy couple: *snog discreetly*

One year later, I dunno why, ending on the wedding would have been fine, seriously

Rui: There’s a time for everything, including goodbyes.

Nishikado: OMG YUKI I RUNNNNNNNNN!!
Yuki: *chases*

Mimasaka: From now on the worldwide mafia I control will be honourable!
Various mafia members: *clapping* Wait, does that mean we have to get Beanie Baby mascots? Damn.

Tsukushi and Tsukasa: *back on that island*
Tsukasa: I am thicker than this branch I am holding, and therefore it takes my wife (hee) looking down significantly down at her stomach for me to realize she is pregnant.
Tsukushi: Don’t grow up like your dad!

Close-up: Wedding picture of F4 and Tsukushi FTW!

The end. Forever. I think.

Audience: Wait, what happens to Prince Yul Rui???
Me: *sob*
Diehard fans: MOAR SEQUELS NAO PLS.

Commentary/Rambling:

– Do they act like 22/23 year olds to you? Didn’t think so.

– So this movie was about Tsukasa learning to suppress his rather insane id with a more heightened awareness of his superego (in normal-people-speak: he matures) and Tsukushi dealing with her own manifold insecurities about their relationship. Very nicely done, though her realization of just why she loves Tsukasa got clouded by my incredulous: “She punched a bear into unconsciousness!” reaction.

– You know, all throughout the series, I’ve been like, where’s daddy Doumyouji? Because I refuse to believe Kaede just spontaneously gave birth to Tsubaki and Tsukasa (though that would have been a fun drama to watch). It also said at the end of the first season that Kaede married into the powerful Doumyouji clan, which means that papa Doumyouji is the true holder of the bloodline. Is he dead? Cause he sure doesn’t get any mention, liek evar.

– I suspect that Kaede Doumyouji and the dude who orchestrated all this have a Tsukushi-Rui relationship. Because I say so! (Also the bittersweet smiling at each other was very enlightening.) It’s weird because at first I was like, daddy Doumyouji at last! And then it turns out he’s a complete new person altogether.

– Where is Tsubaki?? I refuse to believe she would not show up for her darling little bro’s wedding, and to the spunky, lovable Tsukushi too. Oh Matsushima Nanako, I hate to say this, but minus awesome points.

– If only I could write my Nano entry as easily as I write these…

Sevenses

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  1. Monday, November 24, 2008 at 12:23 am

    Ugh, I tried watching the movie. I cringed.

    Guess what.
    We’re having another chinese adaptation of HYD in the works!
    http://www.seoulbeats.com/2008/11/not-another-hana-yori-dango/

  2. Koreasia
    Sunday, November 30, 2008 at 4:19 am

    HAAHA……….. what a njce movie,i think.

  3. Unikorn
    Thursday, January 1, 2009 at 6:59 pm

    Oh my gawd… I can’t see the screen through the tears caused by trying to choke down the laughter… good job. I do love a good parody, especially of something I like despite myself and all the plot holes that never get filled.

    Thanks for the good belly laugh… hope it will help dislodge some of the holiday goodies threatening to take up residence around my middle…

  4. corie
    Saturday, January 24, 2009 at 4:46 pm

    I honestly enjoyed your version of HYD Final even more than the movie! I seriously had this wtf? look on my face the whole time. But despite the many loopholes and disappointments…finally watching this while there’s so much rave on the Kr version of HYD…is still better simply because Inoue Mao as Makino and Oguri Shun as Rui are deeply embedded as these characters to a T.

  5. J
    Sunday, December 6, 2009 at 4:34 pm

    OMG… she punches a bear, a black bear and the bear backs off??!! Now I know Makino is superwoman and she could have flown the two of them back home had she decided to call her invisible plane.

    They could have done better (the moment I saw the insanely nice Domyouji mom, and some old dude, I figured it was going to be something like the whole ‘test’ their love! plot), but I enjoy watching Matsujun act like that, so I enjoyed it nevertheless. 🙂

  6. Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 4:58 am

    You know what? I’ve really had it.

    What is up with the HYD craze? There’s a manga, an anime, a Jap. live action drama, another Jap. live action drama, a movie (which sucked as is proven per above), a Korean drama, a Taiwanese drama, a Chinese drama, and many thousand tons of merchandise.

    The plot is shallow, and although (I will admit) enjoyable to inhale in the spur of the moment, utterly unhealthy and useless (alliteration!)

    I would just like the world to stop HYD drooling for a day or two. What next? An Upper East Side rendition?

    If that happens, someone kill me, please.

  7. Nyuu
    Friday, January 28, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    lmao that’s really too funny xD

  8. Friday, September 14, 2012 at 5:54 am

    I am really impressed with your writing skills as well as with
    the layout on your weblog. Is this a paid theme or did you customize
    it yourself? Either way keep up the excellent quality writing,
    it’s rare to see a great blog like this one nowadays.

  1. Friday, August 19, 2016 at 9:59 am

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