… or why someone over at Amazon.com has utterly lost their mind. (Or never had one to begin with, we are not sure.)
In short: Amazon.com has seen fit to remove books from its ranking system, including but not limited to books on LGBT sex, feminism and just sex in general. This means that when you hit enter on your keyboard, these books will not show up. Apparently E.M. Forster has been removed. (WHUT?)
Interestingly, ‘books’ like Playboy, heterosexual erotica/romance and some other graphical stuff that sound barely physically possible are still showing up in searches.
Call to boycott Amazon, because I don’t even have words for how ridiculously censorious this is. (Lady Chatterley’s Lover outlawed but not Mein Kampf?)
So anyway, the ladies over at Smartbitches have come up with a Google-bomb campaign: Amazon rank ftw, everyone! (The more people linking to this, the higher the likelihood that google searches will yield this result, thus exposing the rectal-haberdashery habits of Amazon.com.)
You can also see people reacting on Twitter with the tag ‘#amazonfail’.
That’s it for now, though I am totally expecting the internet go ‘splodey. Needless to say, I will be watching from orbit.
(I really should look into getting an outrage tag.)
Twihards of various shapes and stripes are waxing outraged at his ‘harsh words’ and calling King out on being a ‘jealous elitist’.
Seriously, though, a writer as prolific and successful as Stephen King, jealous of SMeyer? HA. Note how the more successful author between the two women, Rowling, gets the thumbs up from him. And good on him for being unafraid to say what a lot of people have been thinking for ages.
(Also, someone made Bella’s womb in wool felt. EWWWWWWWWW. I MEAN, WHAT. THE. FUCK??!)
Well… I am glad I didn’t contribute to that?
Twilight made more than $70 million in its opening weekend, beating back Quantum of Solace and Bolt to grab first place. This means that New Moon filming goes ahead – and if it does well, I expect that we’ll be subjected to the mania for Eclipse and Breaking Dawn.
My only consolation is that now we get to see Renesmee’s birth scene, because, daaaaamn if I can figure out a way for that part in the movie to be included without traumatizing all the tweens in the audience.
And this means that I will not be posting about Twilight for a long while, thanks be.
[In housekeeping: Was ambushed by molecular biology final exam in some random dark alley and beaten with an aluminum baseball bat. Will probably recover, and ... well. There are other exams. Right?]
Hey dudes, guess what?
USA Weekend has a poll up on whether Harry Potter is better than Twilight. General hilarity ensues.
(Besides being a transparent ploy for attention, dudes, you think there’s a comparison? God.)
Some of the best comments:
Anon: Sadly, I have read Twilight. You know how everyone has to watch a train wreck? Well imagine if that train fell onto a hospital, and then the hospital caught on fire, and then an airplane was attracted by the flames and flew into it as well, blowing up, and then out of nowhere Godzilla showed up and started stomping on things, and just when you think it can’t get WORSE, the Enterprise shows up with Picard and starts shooting at Godzilla. And that is how I can read it, BECAUSE YOU GOTTA KNOW IF PICARD CAN KILL GODZILLA.
I swear I will shut up about Twilight one day. Meanwhile, have a poll. It’s got ticky boxes!
(In case you wanted to know, I am in the last category.)
Wow. WordPress does not want me to write about Twilight. I had this post all written out and then it just got lost. Grr.
In sum, since the Canadian release date of Twilight is coming up (November 21st, I believe), quite a lot of attention is being paid to the series, and some friends are bewildered about my lack of willingness to go see the movie. Now, most of my nearests and dearests have already remarked my tendency to go off on a flouncy tantrum whenver people mention Twilight, SMeyer, or Bella + Edward = tu wuv. (And less flatteringly, sometimes I foam at the mouth and have to be restrained with a gag.)
Quite frankly, I refuse to enrich a franchise that is based on such total utter dross. There, I’ve said it. I think the Twilight books are trash, and I have many, many issues with them, even without mentioning the laughable writing quality. (Ranting and meta-analysis essays ahead, feel free to skip, flames will be used to warm me through the coming winter.)
All of the issues would seriously not matter if there wasn’t such a large following of young, impressionable young women reading and taking these books to be their ‘bible’ on dating and love and life. The contingent of housewives who, for one reason or another, worship the ground Edward walks on, well… that’s their problem.
(I would like to raise a few points with the publisher for printing shit, but then goodness knows that they care about profit, not quality.)
Now you’re saying, what do you actually not like about the books (aside from the obvious lack of brain and editing), Sevenses?
1) Define yourself by your boyfriend, Bella, there’s a good way to be a self-actualized woman. “Not a wolf girl” and “I was his” gets tossed around a lot. She also has no personality outside of ‘Edward doesn’t like me, Edward does like me, why does Edward like me, Edward, Edward, Edward.’ Do I need to tell you why this is wrong, or can I just assume all of you know and we can move on to more outrage?
2) Meeting obsessed – most emphatically not meeting cute. HE WATCHES HER SLEEP ALL NIGHT LONG. Guys, do I need to go on? He follows her around, in her house, when she’s cooking, when she’s out for a night with the girls and when she’s sleeping, apparently unaware that there’s freaking stalker right there IN HER ROOM, omg, whut. On the other hand, all she does is think about him and moon and not pay any attention to people around her and omg Edward loves her thus Bella’s life is complete! He talks down to her, like she is a child that constantly needs things explained to her. This is the love of the ages? This is what we’re supposed to aspire to for a perfect marriage?
Let us keep in mind that when they met, Bella was only attracted to the surface hotness of Sir Edward Cullen, Esq. And in return, he was fascinated with how much he didn’t know about her thoughts. And then, two weeks later, they both decide rather like Romeo and Juliet that they’re oh so much in love and need the other like oxygen (err, only metaphorically in Ed’s case). What. The. Hell.
(And, by the way, Romeo and Juliet wouldn’t have lasted.)
3) The only womb is apparently one that reproduces – a viewpoint espoused by Esme, Rosalie, Bella and now Leah … that’s practically a roll call of the female characters. At no point does she present a woman who is self-actualized and happy without feeling the need for a ‘babby‘. Breaking Dawn is all about the baby, and while I think mother love is one of the most powerful forces in the world, if your entire life just revolved around your child… there’s a problem (both for you and the child, actually, and please someone stop me from segueing into child development RIGHT NOW). If you mention Alice, well… the girl’s clairvoyant and pretty much doesn’t think, ever. She just acts on her visions. (Also, if you know your Freud, she’s pretty much in the latent state of things.)
I think you all know by now that I am a highly excitable person. Therefore, when today, (supposedly studying for molecular bio, bad Sevenses!), I saw that Sarah Rees Brennan had put the first chapter of her new book out, I immediately squealed, dropped my heavy bio book on my toe (ow), and went in search of delicious readings.
Needless to say, not a lot of studying was done.
Anyhoo, SRB is one of my favourite authors, whom I’d been following since 2003, or thereabouts. Her characterization and metaphorical language (as well as plot, says the inner plot development whore) are to die for. When she announced that her first book was due to be published in June 2009, fans cried their joy and then dismay (because at the time, there was a healthy year and a half or so till the publish date).
I’ll stop rambling, and let you read. Decide if you like or not:
The Demon’s Lexicon
The pipe under the sink was leaking again. It wouldn’t have been so bad, except that Nick kept his favorite sword under the sink.
He rescued it, wiped the steel, and absently tested the edge with his thumb while water flowed out onto the kitchen floor. Once he’d laid it aside, he realized the knees of his jeans were already soaked through.
Alan brought Nick his toolbox.
“Care to lend a hand?” Nick inquired without much hope.
“No, I’m too busy cooking,” Alan said. “You do the heavy lifting around here. I’m more the sensitive intellectual type.”
Nick raised his eyebrows. “Oh, get in the kitchen and bake me a pie, woman.”
Don’t you love them already?
Read the rest of the first chapter here.
The Demon’s Lexicon is available for purchase on Amazon UK. (And coming soon to Amazon.com!)
OMFG. WHUT? WHERE DOES ONE START??
For Heaven’s sake:
- Amazing book my ass. IT SUCKS.
- We’re actually allowed to dislike books after we’ve read them. It’s called having a brain and possibly taste.
- What business it is of yours if we slag off on the books? It’s the internet, you can click on the close button or not click at all. Also, if you’re such a good judge of quality, why be swayed by others? Unless, of course, this strikes too close to home…
- Last of all, I hope this was a joke. But the inner cynic says it’s not. Too bad.
Still, I say, woman, you have a long way to go before you become Chris Crocker.