ACK

Okay, it’s official. Jang Geun Suk’s stylist is dead to me.

I don’t even want to know. Or say anything. Okay, breather. Turning head back to screen… slowly…

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Sevenses

Breaking Dawn, recap

All hail the great Cleolinda Jones, who writes better than I do on the subject, but anyway, I couldn’t resist expounding forth on this wonderful 768-page megalith. It will offer me much snorfling in moments of need. Also, needed to get this off my chest. It’s probably not as funny as the other one, but what the hell. The writing quality was better.

Please do enjoy. Flames will be used to make yummy omelette. Warning for lots of capslock abuse, mild language, and definite sporkage of a series that takes itself way too seriously.

Dedicated to Stacy, who loves to mock Twilight (and mock it hard), and Arileen, twihard extraordinaire (where are my Nessi gingerbreads?!).

Have a song while you read: The Aftereffects of May, Belle Epoque

Breaking Dawn – a mockumentary

Preface

Bella: Hi, it’s me, THREATENING TO DIE. (Again.)
Reader 1: I have a feeling I’ve seen this.
Reader 2: I preferred Harry Potter’s brand of near-death, thanks.
Reader 3: Dude, we have 768 pages to go. What’s to bet she’s going to live?
All: Forgot about that.

Book one – Bella

Bella: OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOO WHY ALL THIS ATTENTION, I DO NOT MERIT IT, I ONLY HAVE A REALLY EXPENSIVE UNRELEASED CAR, ACCEPTANCE TO AN IVY LEAGUE THAT I DID NOT EARN, A BLACK CARD AND A HOT BOYFRIEND WHO GIVES ME WHAT I WANT (AND WHAT I DON’T WANT, ON OCCASION). WOE.
Tourists: Chill, woman. Also, can we take piccies?
Bella: WHY AM I DOOMED TO A LIFE OF SCRUTINY?!
Forks: We have no lives and thus feel compelled to stare at a black car. Ooh shiny.
Reader: … 7 pages of …? This is what I paid for?